you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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