We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
