So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
