I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
