I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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