Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
