Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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