i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
