the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
