I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
