I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
