it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
