am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
