So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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