I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
