i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
