I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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