i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
