When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
