she takes plan B like it's going out of style
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
