I can text with my tongue
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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