This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wear drunk well.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
