Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
