First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
