I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
