your parents love me but you hate me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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