it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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