I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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