No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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