Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
