No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
