Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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