Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
