I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
