never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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