Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
