he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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