After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
