My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
