Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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