Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
