I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
