Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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