I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Help. Why am I so naked?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
