and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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