Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
