he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
