I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
