I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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