I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
