wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
